Many people do not feel well with themselves. It is because sometimes does not feel well with us our inner child. Therapy of inner child is one of the best things you can do for yourself. We usually tend to the same or similar way to treat ourselves according to how we were treated when we were little. If we felt as a child under the effect of education and approach emotional pain, then we experience it in similarly now, when we treat ourselves harshly.
The cause of anxiety and depression is a pain, but it's not the pain experienced in childhood. It has healed itself with natural mechanisms of our mind.
The cause of our anxiety today is that we treat ourselves unconsciously the same way we have learned in our childhood. Our mission is to become a perfect adult for ourselves, who we needed at that time. The one, who is able to replenish for our inner child's chronic emotional debt, are just we ourselves. Inner child therapy is based on the fact that we begin to treat ourselves gently and kindly and with respect.
What is the "inner child"?
Inner child is part of our selves that should be playful, creative experience of living happily and curiously. Because of traumas from childhood and adolescence for many of us unconsciously separate the child from the conscious part of the psyche. Most of the time of our life we are not able to realize the existence of our inner child. Many of us carry from childhood some blocks, traumas, discomfort, and problems. Most of us have experienced in childhood following an unpleasant situation - ridicule, humiliation, indifference, family problems, divorce, violence, death of a loved one, etc. Probably the greater parts of these traumas remain unprocessed and influence our present life. But even those of us who lived through the pretty childhood may still during a meeting with his own inner child, experiencing discomfort.
From a young age, we learn and try to be kind, to avoid negative feelings and expressions and we want to be loved and accepted by people around us. Fearing that people around us do not accept us for who we really are, we are still not able to accept ourselves, and we are repeating the same mistakes. We are ruled by negative emotional patterns, which, we are not only able to stop and what is worse, we are not very often even aware of them.
Inner child is a source of creativity, intuition, curiosity, and sexuality. In our inner child are often stored all emotional information, which we have experienced. Inner child does not evaluate the situation with intellect, but decide according to its feelings. When working with the inner child, we can create an entirely new relationship with ourselves, we can leave the old wounds, and we can stop clinging to feelings of anger, hurt, jealousy, humiliation, denial, and non-love. If in our childhood has not been satisfied some needs, we have learned to use such behaviour, which causes others to noticed us and these our "neglected" needs to be filled indirectly.
Repressed emotion and desire to do things "right"
To have good results at school, to be popular, be able to endure a lot and cope, learn well and learn a lot – that is an inner drive that pushes us forward constantly. Thanks to it we strive to do more and more things. However, with this approach, we become either workaholics or people who help everyone around you, but do not satisfy themselves. This inner drive then creates an imbalance and leads us to the fact that we work more and more and that we are trying to prove to ourselves and to others that we are good enough.
In each family they are suppressed certain emotions. Very often, we hide in our families our difficulties in communicating, problems with alcohol or drugs, aggression in the home etc. This is done again because of fear, because we do not want to judged by others. Repressed emotions from our forgotten past occur in the present in an enhanced form and we thus react to some stimuli more sensitively. At such a moment, it is possible to recognize the injuries of our inner child and begin to treat it.
Wounded inner child
Wounded inner child is hidden behind a curtain of rational consciousness. For most of the time we are not aware its existence and effect. In addition, perhaps we react the opposite – if someone warn us that we behave "like a baby" it irritate us. We react indignantly or aggressively, again - as a child. Hiding the child in us is defensive mechanism. It is quite possible that our inner child fared so badly that it has decided to rather "not to be child." It has decided that it will no longer feel pain, loneliness, hurt which others did to it, and instead the children feeling started taking adult, rational behaviours and tricks of adults.
Wounded inner child prevents us from experiencing the basic essential pleasures of life. The joy of being, however, should be natural for every healthy individual.
Manifestation of wounded inner child:
- The need to have everything under control
- Flushing's irritation, anger, aggression
- Loss of a loved one makes us feel dismay
- Suspicion, distrust towards nearby
- Unhealthy a strong dependence on the people in our neighbourhood - friends, friends, relatives
- We do not accept changes or we are experiencing them very negatively
- Lack of self-esteem and self-love
- We do not feel sufficiently successful
- We often have depression and anxiety
- We are punishing ourselves
- We establish wrong relationships with others or bad destructive relationships
- We feel lonely and we drown in solitude
- We feel disappointment from life
- We are confused and unhappy
Manifestation of healed inner child
- Even simple things make us happy
- We are able easily socialize and feel the joy of experience relationships
- We are communicative, playful, and hearty
- Our energy increases
- We live to the fullest and we have fun
- We are experiencing new things with confidence
- We care about things and problems around us, we create new and interesting values
- We trust our life and people around us
- We plan, we feel vitality and positive energy
- We take life as it comes
- We are pleased with ourselves
- Our physical body is in shape
The influence of parents on the inner child, the types of parental attitudes
This type of parents tends to lack tolerance to their descendants and their decisions. Strongly authoritarian parent denies the child's personality and try to dominate and subdue them. They hinder emotional development and maturation of the child's self-determination and the will, thus it creates passivity or causes defiance. Where the self-realization of a child is at risk, there is usually a breeding ground for anxiety reactions, anxiety states or other inappropriate behaviour and feelings. On the other hand, this type of parent can teach a child to confront their fears.
These parents are in their expressions very similar to the authoritative parent. They want to have perfect control over the life of their child. However, they can learn their child how to stand up to against this controlling and be free.
Ambitious parents lead a child to succeed. Sometimes it may be difficult for the child and burdensome. However, these types of parents teach us, how fully exploit our potential.
Weak and non-supportive parent
Does not support child and does not endorse they need for their development. The child with weak and not supportive parent, however, can learn how to support itself, how to be strong and how to be independent on support of others.
These type of parents expose the child with inappropriate criticism, but just because of this, a child can learn to respect themselves and others.
These parents may hamper child development with their attitudes and opinions, and their rigorous enforcement and create within them the fear of their own opinions. These children may learn on the other hand, stubbornness and tolerance.
This type of parent causes that the child does not feel sufficiently loved and supported. These kids miss from the nearest people. However, overcoming the ignorant attitudes of parents can lead the child to independence, the ability to rely mainly on himself.
Parent emotionally or physically abusive or harassing
This type of parents can cause very severe mental blocks towards others. On the other hand, children who were exposed to psychological or physical harassment or abuse can learn to use their powers appropriately.
These types of parent teach their child how to be open to their surroundings and learn to accept challenges.
How to meet the inner child
Many situations can lead to a kind of "waking up" of our inner child. It can be a sort of attempt of our wounded inner child to be noticed. It is usually a situation of reliving the trauma, leading to its possible treatment. There are also situations where we are trying to evoke subliminally these states ourselves.
Reliving and processing of traumatic conditions leads to a cure of these conditions. During the "treatment" we return to earlier stages of our development, we are finishing the unfinished business. In such moments may show up in tears.
The first step is usually the realization of what had happened in the past, what we lacked and what we were missing. There is also an awareness that those who were the cause of the pain are already unable to remedy this situation. For example, if the little boy had feeling of inadequacy love from his mother, then she cannot give him the love retrospectively. Nor any other woman can rectify it and give this kind of love. The only one who can car about curing our inner child is just us "ourselves".
Risks of working with the inner child
The most fundamental and the greatest risk when we are working with the inner child is "re-traumatization," or uncontrollable reliving. Unexpectedly, we can encounter something that has been forgotten, suppressed, and we do not have to be prepared for such a situation and we do not have to be able to make it. If you work with inner child and during this process will begin to emerge feelings of panic, uncontrollable feelings of anxiety, prolonged insomnia, inner restlessness, altered states of consciousness, and so on, then it is advisable to seek professional help.
For descent to a child of our past, it is advisable to do a few basic steps:
- Strengthening the responsible and powerful adult I.
- Create a form for a "higher power" that will absorb the feelings that we are not able to handle ourselves, and take pains excessively pain of our inner child.
- Create a "garden of our past," which we will gradually cleanse and beautify. This will help generate trust, first to ourselves and then to the surrounding world.
Healing and gradual integrating the inner child into the life of the adult may bring sudden burst of joy, wacky ideas, drawing attention to yourself or even periods of laziness and idleness. It's okay if the balance between our inner child and adult self is maintained.